Breaking up is hard to do...

Oops... you've got a girlfriend.

And not only do you have a girlfriend, she wants you to make something for her. Double whammy!

If you've ever had a girlfriend, then you've reached that point in your "relationship" where she wants you to burn a mix CD for her of your favorite songs. Since this is a fairly common occurrence, there are some rules that a guy should follow when making a mix CD for that special lady friend.

First and foremost, do not include any songs from your favorite artist(s). I cannot stress how important this is. Once the relationship is over, the songs will forever be tarnished because they'll remind you of her. The last thing you would ever want is for some dumb broad to spoil your love for Pearl Jam. Women will come and women will go, but "State of Love and Trust" is forever.

Also, do not put anything on the mix that she doesn't already love. Women hate new music more than they hate old boyfriends. Fill that sucker exclusively with songs she has heard 10,000 times each.

Another important thing to remember is that women have horrible taste in music. They are solely responsible for the careers of hundreds and hundreds of shitty musicians. It is essential that you don't make a good CD. In fact, the worse you make the CD the more she'll probably enjoy it.

Here is an example of a mix CD to make your special lady friend happy:

• Simple Minds "Don't You Forget About Me"
• Jackson Browne "Somebody's Baby"
• The Beatles "All You Need is Love"
• Eddie Money "Take Me Home Tonight"
• Ben E. King "Stand By Me"
• AC/DC "You Shook Me All Night Long"
• Gin Blossoms "Hey Jealousy"
  
• Anything by Billy Joel, Coldplay, or the Eagles (BARF!!!)

You have my word that she will absolutely love this CD. If you throw in a few recent hip-hop songs and the theme song to whatever late-night TV show was on when you first hooked up, then she'll fall head over heels for you. Until...

Once the two of you break off your romantic tryst, she'll be stuck with this awful CD. Even if she throws it out she'll still be stuck with bad memories since you've attached yourself to her favorite songs. Meanwhile, you can sit back and relax and still enjoy Bob Dylan's Blood on the Tracks just like the good old days.

There are just some things that should never go together. Toothpaste and orange juice, ugg boots and mini skirts, and spring weekends and rain all come to mind. At the very top of that list should be girlfriends and favorite songs.